January 26, 2006

This is also why.

You are advised to read my earlier post, i.e. the one after this one, first. Especially the second last paragraph. Cos this is a little extrapolation into the more private sphere.

Unfortunately, I'm someone with little double-standard. haha... I can hear miss chin laughing out loud in Japan now. Shit, just try to believe it ok.

So, as I said, I have serious difficulties coming to terms with people giving stupid reasons for making a seemingly good decision. Reasons that are perhaps kinder on the ego and softer on rejection but nevertheless, plainly stupid and ridiculous if you throw 2 cents worth on it. It makes the other person feel like an idiot too, having no alternative but to accept such stupid and ridiculous reason, won't it? Hence, sometimes, in order to be polite and not taking others as complete idiots, I'd rather just ignore and avoid than to make stupid excuses for rejecting people.

I wish, among readers of this blog, one of you is my primary schoolmate. Because I'm plagued and torn by this sense of guilt and a reluctance to take one of my schoolmate for an idiot. He is trying to organise a class gathering, you see. And, I most certainly would not like to attend. Why? Cos I don't think I click with them anymore, and I do not find conversations that keep going back to 'do you remember that time when...' particularly engaging. I've attended a few before this and it's quite painful, making a decision to stay for that 5 more minutes or to be rude and leave even before my butt begins to heat the chair pad. I just don't know what to say in this kind of gatherings anymore.

But I do appreciate this classmate's effort at still trying to get the class together and staying in touch with most of us. It's not an easy feat. However, my appreciation does not render my presense at this gathering. You know what I mean?

I didn't answer his call, from both his home and mobile, and I have yet to reply his sms. I thought of telling him that I'm just not available that particular day. I even resorted to wanting ah girl to help me call back and say that he got the wrong number and maybe I've changed my mobile number. I thought of smsing him to say I am working overseas, until I remembered he lives in the same neighbourhood as me. But, see, I said I have little double-standard, right? I just don't wish to treat the poor guy like an idiot.

That's why.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 14:37